A dozen rounds covered instead of gunpowder, it is the white powder of sweet delight. I await her hand to turn the handle on the steam and let the coffee drip, drip, drip. I smelled that coffee as I entered the plastic pink and orange handled doors. It was all America, except now you could get avocado from Mexico on your eggs and toast. That is fine with me. I am from Cuba and we call them rosquillas, but our daughters call them donuts. They don't know. That's all right. I want them to fit in with America, so they can get good jobs. Sugar and milk, eggs and flour, it's all so good but I would rather have ham and eggs with toast and guava.
A dozen rounds covered with powdered sugar instead of bitter gunpowder. They are a sweet delight. I await his hand to turn the handle of steel and let the liquid pour. The smell of the coffee fills the shiny room plastic orange and pink handled doors. It is all American joy and optimism. You can even get avocado and sesame seeds on toast. That is fine with me. In my mother's country they are rosquillas, but I call them donuts and it's all right. Sugar and milk, eggs and flour, chocolate and even guayaba.
I wanted to clarify who was the speaker in the poem. In the first version, I had just thought about it being a person who is a little resentful of being in Dunkin Donuts. In the first revision, the speaker is not resentful, but awed by the place and its cutesy appeal. In the first draft, the speaker is not happy with what she gets and would rather have had ham and eggs, but in the first revision, she is content because they even have guayaba. I changed the word guava to guayaba because that is the Spanish word and it just seemed right. I took out the part about jobs because the ode is not to the economic system, but to a doughnut shop. Also, I didn’t like the way that the lines made the speaker sound.
Think of one of your daily or regular spots to visit and make it unique and special by writing a poem about it. It’s fun.
Happy writing!
I love how you took us through your revision. Every change you made was intentional with a specific purpose. I see the benefit of sharing this with writing students, so they can see into a writer’s head on what is needed to revise.
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Thanks Nancy. I heard once that you should burn your first drafts. I save my charcoal for grilling hamburgers, though. 😉
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