Spring

Daylight savings time always creates a tide of feelings for me. It is like the end of the season of beginnings and the start to the season of growth.

Plans conceived in Winter, hatch now in the Spring. They will grow or wither. I see the plants in the garden blooming and know that cool days will soon be over. Kids are happy because Spring Break is here. I am sad because I have to let go of another birthday. My Mom’s birthday will be on March 20. She died on a sunny morning in the month of June.

She was an amazing artist and a great mother. I miss her. I died in a way with her. I knew that I might as well be dead because nothing else mattered but her. I never said anything because I knew that it would be the height of selfishness. She went to Heaven. Why would I cry?

I wanted to scream and cry, but I knew that I couldn’t. I just knelt by her and waited for the ambulance to arrive and prayed. I called the priest, but he never answered. I will never forget that day.

She was born in Spring and died in Summer. That was a horrible day.

I plan to go to the cemetery on her birthday. It seems terrible. How can you celebrate a birthday at so sad a place? They tell you that death is not a sad event because the loved one is in such a good place and now free from the shackles of suffering. They tell you that because they want you to be free from the sorrow.

I guess that it’s time to wake up and face her there in her strange new place and know that now she is free of all that hurt her. She will never cry again. She will never hurt again, and she is in the Spring Time. An eternal Spring Time is the place where she lives. She smiles and dances among the flowers there. She can play her Chopin there. I can almost hear it. I just have to be quiet.

1 thought on “Spring

  1. Helen, this is such a beautiful piece about the circle of life through seasons and your mother. I liked these 2 sentences: “Plans conceived in Winter, hatch now in the Spring. They will grow or wither.” There is that excitement of new life in the spring, but the plans need to be strong and nourished in order to grow and not weather. I hope it’s a peaceful and quiet March 20, and you are able to hear Chopin.

    Liked by 1 person

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