Some people would ask about believing in someone whom you can’t see, who was supposed to have died or who could have been a mythic figure who never existed at all. I have even heard some say that Jesus Christ was a clever illusionist who made people see what he wanted them to see.
Well, I cannot assuage the doubts of people by offering archaeological evidence like the spear that he was impaled with, the crown of thorns or the nails. All of these exist, but I don’t have them or have seen them personally. All I have is my story.
I had just finished with a man whom I believed was going to be my husband until my dying day. We were tangled up in a net of bitterness. I was addicted to cigarettes and he was, well, a mystery to me.
The cigarettes were terrible. I smelled bad. Everything was yellow. My teeth, my hands and even the walls in my government subsidized apartment were yellow. I had lost a great job at a major construction company because of my “hygiene,” because I smelled like cigarettes. I took a cigarette break every fifteen minutes.
Then, I started wanting to quit. I tried patches and got tachycardia. I tried the gum and almost choked. I tried group therapy and we all ended up smoking more than when we first started. My friend died of cancer and his last dying wish was to smoke a cigarette.
It was a cycle of futility and frustration that I wouldn’t wish on Castro. Then, one day I looked up and saw this program on television about Jesus Christ. That was all for the weak, right? Well, I listened and put out my cigarette. I dropped to my knees which I had never done before to pray and I did. I mean I cried out to Jesus and prayed that I could stop smoking if he could spare the time to work a miracle in my life.
I went to sleep. I woke up 12 hours later and it has been 14 years since I smoked a cigarette. I have never wanted one. I go to Catholic Church on Sunday, I pray and try to live according to the precepts.
So that’s why I believe. I called on Him and He answered.
I am sure that there are theologians that can offer more eloquent, descriptive and convincing arguments, but that is mine. I only have my truth. Right now. Next year, after more study, I will have something with more meat.